What Was Missing
by mao-meow
Summary: Dean is left restless and an emotional wreck in a motel room when Castiel shows up to give him comfort.


What Was Missing

Dean sat alone in the musty motel room, head in his hands as he tore apart his mind thinking about Sam and the way he's been acting. Part of him wanted to know the truth so that maybe they could work things out, but the other part… well, he wanted Sam gone. Dean knew Sam was lying about everything. Every thought in his head screamed that Sam was up to something, something dreadfully awful and stupid for even him.

As the hours passed and Sam didn't show up, the torment only thickened. Dean had gone through almost an entire bottle of whiskey in an attempt to dull the pain, but there wasn't any type of alcohol in the world that could wash his thoughts and doubts away. He needed something more than just numbness. He knew he wouldn't receive it, whatever it was.

The clock said ten past four when Dean finally lost it and took his anger out on the material objects around him, sweeping things off of the nightstand with his arm and knocking over a dusty lamp. He was feeling so many emotions at once: anger, frustration, desperation, even depression. Why wouldn't it go away? "What's wrong with me?" Dean asked hoarsely to the ceiling.

"Nothing." Dean whipped around, pulling the demon-killing knife out of his coat, only to see Cas standing just a few feet away.

"Why are you here?" Dean sounded close to annoyed. He didn't need anyone seeing him like this. It was probably the last thing he wanted, actually.

Cas tilted his head to the side, his face bearing an expression of sympathy and worry. "I sensed that you were not okay. Was I correct?"

"Yeah, I'd say so." Dean rolled his eyes and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Cas moved in closer but kept his distance enough for Dean's sake. "You can just go. I don't need your help."

"But I'd like to offer it to you any-"

"I said to go." Dean spoke more sternly, his emotions rising again. Why would Cas even care? Did anyone really care about Dean? "Everyone else leaves me."

Something started stirring inside Cas, a sensation he wasn't familiar with. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew it meant something. It dug at his stomach. It put weight on his chest. He did not like it at all, and he knew that what Dean must have been feeling was likely a thousand times worse.

"Dean, we share a profound bond. I feel empathy towards you. I can't just go." Dean didn't say anything. He just stared at the brown carpet at his feet. Cas slowly began to step forward until he was standing over Dean. He lifted his arm and rested it softly on Dean's shoulder, right above the handprint he had left when pulling him out of hell.

Dean twitched at the touch, shooting a startled glance up at Cas, but he didn't do anything to remove his hand. Instead, he just sat there, closing his eyes for long periods of time. "It's Sam," Dean finally let out. "I've been worried about him recently."

"You are not the only one."

"I don't trust him anyone more. I can barely stand to be around him, for god's sake. I just wish he would stop messing around with things he shouldn't be. It's not good, Cas. Whatever he is doing, it is not good." He let out a sigh and shook his head.

"You don't have to tell me. I don't trust him much either to be quite honest with you, Dean." Cas took a seat next to Dean, their arms touching due to lack of room. As he looked over at Dean, who was currently with eyes closed, he could read all of the pain in his face. The urge to do something to help him grew stronger. He couldn't just sit here and watch him suffer like this. "I could put you to sleep if you'd like."

Dean opened his eyes and looked down at his feet. "I think I'd rather not sleep right now. Trust me; my nightmares are a lot worse than this."

"I know."

"That's right; you get a private showing of my dream world." Dean let out a weak laugh. "You get to see some pretty damn scary horror films in there."

"Not all of them are bad. You might not remember them, but some of them are nice." Cas looked away for the first time in a while. "I enjoy seeing you happy."

Dean was about to make a sarcastic comment, but part of his mind made him not. Instead he looked over at the Angel in a tan trench coat who was sitting on his bed with him. He never really thought he'd be here, spilling his heart out to someone, especially not him. The "Tough Guy" Dean that was used to block out any sort of emotion would have felt more than uncomfortable with the situation, but deep down, he was so relieved. He finally felt like he didn't have to hide what went on inside his head or be ashamed of what he felt. For once, he wasn't worried about someone leaving him.

"Cas." Their eyes finally met and held each other's stares. Everything Dean was feeling before started to slip away at last, bringing in new feelings that he hadn't felt in ages. "I appreciate you checking up on me, and I'm even more thankful that you stayed. For the first time in my life, someone stayed when I needed them."

"Dean, I will always be here for you, and I'll stay as long as you ask it of me." Cas wasn't sure what was going on inside his mind or his body. "I don't feel right." His forehead creased as he brought down his eyebrows in complexion.

This time, Dean was showing the worry. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?" He asked sternly. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"No. It's not like that. It's mostly in my head, but there are physical symptoms as well."

"That's emotions for you." Dean was relieved everything was okay.

"I'm not sure if I like this particular one." Cas cocked his head to the side again. "There's another one though. It's buried in this vessel somewhere, and it feels…"

Dean eyed Cas, taking in all the features of his face, even the minute ones. He put his hand on Cas's shoulder and turned him so that they were face to face. "Dean, I- " Before Cas, could finish his sentence, Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips firmly upon the Angel's. He lingered for a second and then moved back a few inches, looking Cas in the eyes and waiting for a response. For a moment, his chest filled with anxiety, thinking that perhaps he made the wrong move. Half of his mind was questioning why in the world he did such a thing. But then it all got washed away as Cas closed the distance between them and Kissed Dean back, pulling him close with his arms. This one lasted a few seconds longer.

Dean gave Cas his typical charming yet sarcastic smile. "I've never done this with an Angel before, or a guy for that matter."

"I've never done this with any being before." Cas looked at him with large eyes. The things he was feeling! Angels weren't even supposed to feel, especially not like this. Part of him questioned if this was at all acceptable, but the other part was filled with longing, and that part of him was stronger. "Can we?"

Instead of answering, Dean grabbed Cas firmly by the waist and kissed him on the lips again, this time with more passion and force than before. For a while, they held each other and exchanged kisses, both of them swarming with emotions and a mental bond that connected them so strongly, until they parted once more. They locked eyes, Dean breathing a bit heavily and Cas gripping Dean's arm. Neither of them spoke, both unsure of what to say.

Finally Dean found the words he wanted to say. "Thanks, for everything." Cas tried to say something, but Dean stopped him. "Really, Cas, you've done a lot for me, and this, well this has been a crazy night. I mean I can't even tell you the last time I felt this way. You are everything I have been dying for and what I need so badly. I can be open with you and I, I trust you! And there aren't many people I trust, so that's definitely saying something. And I thought I was going nuts, but then you come along and…" Dean couldn't think of the right words to say again. He was lost. Too much was going through his head.

"Dean, do you love me?" Cas asked almost bluntly. Dean looked up with shock. His mouth hung open, his lips twitching as he searched desperately for the words that were trying to come out. "Because I think I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too, Cas. I know I do." Dean pulled him in for one last kiss, their lips meeting and connecting like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. Dean finally found what he had been looking for.


End file.
